Kagome's Bag
by sock monkeys
Summary: InuYasha goes through Kagome's bag! Short crack fic, just for fun. I've just updated for the first time in...ONE BILLION YEARS!
1. Chinese Finger Traps

**HI! Welcome to my story of what happens when InuYasha goes through Kagome's bag and finds stuff! First up, the Chinese Finger Traps! I know it's short but very random indeed!**

InuYasha was sitting down, watching Kagome's bag while she did… something, he couldn't remember what. After a while, he got bored so he decided to look inside. After poking around for about five minutes or so he came across five little multi-coloured tubes, each one big enough to fit around his finger. _What the heck are these? _He thought to himself, sniffing each one of them carefully, _And how do I use them?_

Thirty minutes later Kagome came back from wherever she was to find InuYasha with her five Chinese Finger Traps stuck on his fingers. She couldn't help but laugh out loud. InuYasha, the half-demon who'd saved her on many occasions and feared by (almost) all, was stuck and couldn't figure out how to get out of a child's toy.

"Kagome!" he practically whimpered, "Why do you carry around such demonic items and how do I free myself from their evil grasp?!" He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

She sighed as she knelt down beside him and started to get off the Traps. "InuYasha," she said, "they're Chinese Finger Traps, not 'demonic items' and the trick to getting out is," she said, sliding one off, "to push instead of pull."

After a while all the Traps managed to come of. "Thanks," InuYasha said, rubbing his fingers, "I owe you one Kagome."

Kagome just sat there, thinking. "InuYasha," he looked up, "How'd you get those anyways?"

He just turned red, "I, uh, kinda went through your bag and-" Kagome turned around, her arms crossed. "What?"

"Sit boy," she said, hearing a loud following "THUD" behind her. _That never gets old_.

**Well, there you go. Caught in a Finger Trap, poor InuYasha. If you have any suggestions for more things for him to find, just review me and I'll put it on. Thanks!**


	2. Duct Tape

**Alright sweet! People dig this! Well then, I'm dedicating this to the awesome people who reviewed! Duct Tape time! Bwa ha ha ha ha!**

Inuyasha was watching Kagome's bag, carrying it more like, and he felt a weird lump that kept hitting his back. So when they stopped for a break, Inuyasha decided to seek out what made the annoying lump. Out he pulled a round silver thing. On it there was a bit of the silver thing sticking out so he grabbed it and pulled. Now there was a bunch of the loose silver stuff. He grabbed it, only to find it stuck to his hand. Inuyasha tried to yank it off and when he did, it got in his hair. And the problem only got worse.

Kagome turned around to the sound of Inuyasha whimpering. What she saw made her realize why he made the belittling noise. He was absolutely covered in Duct Tape and was trying to rip all of it off. It was in his hair, wrapped around his legs, and on his face.

"Inuyasha," Kagome asked, "How'd you get stuck like that?"

He whimpered, "I don't know, it was on my hand and when I got it off it was on my hair and it wouldn't stop sticking to me!"

Kagome sighed, "Tell me, how'd you get stuck by the Duct Tape?" Like she didn't know the answer.

"I found it," Inuyasha said. He wasn't lying, just not telling the whole truth.

"_Where_ Inuyasha? _Where'd_ you find it?"

He hung his head as much as the tape would let him. "In your bag, it was hurting my back where it stuck out!"

Kagome said nothing, just reached into her bag by Inuyasha's taped feet and pulled out another roll of Duct Tape. She faced him, an evil grin on her face.

The next day, Kikiyo was walking through the forest only to come across Inuyasha, Duct Taped to a tree. She looked at him for a moment. "Now _that's_ how you seal someone to a tree!" And with that said, she walked away.

**The End. Well, what'd you think? Review and tell me. Also, feel free to give me suggestions at will**


	3. Special: Tampons

**Okay then, I'M BACK! From an unexpected trip to Mexico that is. So for making all you good people (you are people, aren't you?) wait so long a special… TAMPONS! Thank-you sooo much to Mizz MimiSan from who I got the idea. If you gave me ideas and I haven't used them yet don't worry. I'll use them, trust me! Alright, I've blahed blahed blahed your faces off so yeah, ON WITH THE TAMPONNESS!**

Inuyasha was confused. Kagome was acting really moody lately and he had to be careful of what he did, said or didn't say. If he wasn't, BAM, five sits in a row. He was already sore when he smelled blood, and lots of it. Coming from, Kagome? He mentioned this and all his friends reacted differently. Miroku covered Shippo's ears and look lustfully at a super-red Kagome and Sango looked at her sympathetically. He got at least twenty – if not more – sits from her. So he decided to see what was up and search her bag for clues. **(A/N: Bad Doggy! Bad bad BAD DOGGY!)**

Inside he found the same old things. First Aid kit, food, "homework", clothes blah blah blah. But then he smelled something odd. It smelled like some sort of retarded soap so he decided to find what it was. Out he pulled a box with a label that said "Tampax" in big letters. The contents were funny cylinders made out of cotton. He lifted one up at eye level to see Kagome standing in front of him, red as a tomato.

"K-K-Kagome, ummm, what're _you_ doing here?"

"In…u…ya…sha." She growled. Then she turned around and picked up a rock big enough to be twice the size of her head easily. When she faced him she wore a sweet smile on her face.

"Inuyasha," he didn't like the tone of her voice. It was too…_sweet. _"Wanna trade? Those useless things for this magic boulder?"

Immeadiately he shoved the things into her hands and grabbed the boulder. "How do I use it?"

Clutching her tampons, Kagome said, "You make a wish, throw it up really high in the air, catch it and _poof_, your wish'll come true."

Without further convincing Inuyasha threw the rock into the air as high as he could. (And we all know that's _high_) Suddenly Kagome yelled, "SIT BOY!"

WHAM! Inuyasha slammed into the ground. "Kagome! What was that-" WHAM! The rock came down and landed right on his head, knocking him out.

Somewhere in the trees, Miroku and Sango stood looking at one another. Sango smirked. "That's what a normal _wimpy_ girl can do what she's mad." She raised her eyebrows at the monk. Miroku's eyes widened and he took off running through the trees.

**BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'm just so mean to the poor little puppy aren't I? smiles sweetly Oh yes, GO CHICKLETS! Sorry, Ringpops do that sort of thing to me. Y'know, make me hyper? Now…..REVIEW! please…?**


	4. Toilet Paper

**Alrighty then, I'm back and so is a new chapter! Thank-you maryanne who gave me this awesome idea!**

Inuyasha was rooting through Kagome's bag again.It had a whole bunch of junk in it again and he wanted to see what he could find this time. He found books, clothes, whatch-ma-call-its and such until he found something. It was round, white, soft and it unwound like it did the Duct Tape.

_Oh crap! _He thought, _This is like that cursed silver stuff!_

So him not having a single clue about what to do with it and not knowing what it was, he took out his Tetsuisaiga and slashed at it, sending pieces into the air. Unfortunately for him, a wind was blowing and it blew over to where Kagome was taking a bath.

When Kagome came out of her bath the wind quickly blew her dry. She came back to Inuyasha clean and covered in white, dry and sticky chunks. It only took her about two seconds to figure out what he'd done and when she did, she was mad.

"INUYASHA!"

He gulped. _Now_ he did it.

Kagome took a deep breath, "Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! SIT!"

Poor Inu was lying flat on the ground after all those sits, but Kagome wasn't done with him yet.

---

"So tell me what I'm supposed to do again?" Inuyasha said minutes later.

"Just shut up and lemme take pictures of you."

"Why?"

"It's for a school project. You'll be known as 'Inuyasha, the toilet paper mummy'."

After that was done she sat him then rolled his body to a pond and dunked him in leaving him on the grass with wet toilet paper all over him.

**There, that's about it now. Yeah, I can't really think right now so sorry if that chapter sucked badly. Send in your suggestions!**


	5. Bra

**Oh my gosh! I'm still alive! Yeah, yeah, I know. None of you believe me 'cause you're all too busy being mad for not updating in FOREVER! So I'll try (key word there people) to start updating more frequently. But only if YOU PEOPLE all update! Even if I'm not reading (which I should be) your stuff, update. It makes people happies!**

**Thank you InuFilipinaFan for the awesome idea! And that's _exactly_ what I was thinking!**

**Disclaimer: Me no own. Deal.**

Inuyasha was, well, watching Kagome's bag. Nobody knows why, because all the previous four times he has, he got into trouble and the only logical reason that he was allowed was because Kagome liked to punish him. Well, regardless of why he was watching her bag, he was.

And of course, Kagome was gone. Vain human girls _insist_ on washing themselves _all the time_. Inuyasha only washed himself when…well, he didn't. Kagome just pushed or sat him into a pond when he stank too much. Just then, Kagome's cry rang out through the trees.

"Inuyasha!"

He froze. Then he realized he was scared of a vain powder puff girly girl (he made a mental note to _never_ let her hear him call her that) and replied with a snarky, "What?!"

"I'm outta clean clothes. Can you get me some from my backpack?"

He froze again. She wanted him to…get her clothes? A perverted grin spread over his face. _So this is what Miroku's thinking about all the time. Feh, can't say I blame him._ Our little demon thought. He also thought other things but everyone figured they were too horrible to put on FanFiction.

(Somewhere far away)

Sesshomaru was testing out his new mind-reading powers to see inside the mind of his pathetic younger brother. And once inside his mind, Sesshomaru was bombarded with image after image of naked Kagome.

He screamed and beat his head into a boulder.

(Back in the forest)

As Inuyasha was fishing out clothes, he found a particular article extremely fascinating. It had elastics and two big cups to hold…something. He didn't know what. Then he remembered how his friends had sometimes referred to it as a "double-barrelled slingshot". "Oh," he said, "So that's what it's for."

Scooping up a couple of rocks, Inuyasha plopped them into the slingshot, pulled back and fired. It worked like a dream. So he spent the next hour or so playing with the slingshot and only stopped because Kagome was suddenly there, dripping wet and _very_ naked.

She didn't even stop to scream his name. "Sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit!" She screamed over and over as she put her clothes on. "And _sit_!" She screamed in his general direction.

Now as you all know, it takes Kagome a long time to be fully ready to leave. Getting ready and all that. So she spent about twenty minutes yelling "Sit" over and over. By the time she left, the hole he was in was 1.5 kilometers deep **(A/N: My apologies to all of you who aren't familiar with kilometres)**. Miroku and Sango came over and threw a rope down the hole to pull Inuyasha out because they both figured he wouldn't have the strength to just jump out.

At the top of the hole (when Inuyasha was _finally_ able to stand on his own) and somewhat far away from it, Miroku came up and punched Inuyasha so hard he fell to the ground.

"Miroku!" Inuyasha snapped angrily, "What was that for?!"

Before speaking, the monk's face got very red. "You fondled a woman's bra and you didn't call me over!"

Oi, the wonders of a pervert.

**So, what didja think of that? You all should review and tell me, or give more suggestions. Although, I already have a good idea for the next chapter (cue evil laughter). Ahh, the wonders of high school dances…**

**Anyway, happy reading!**


	6. Makeup

**Grrmble grrmble…You people are lucky. I've decided that since I have nothing to do right now (other than clean the tornado aftermath that is my room) I'm gonna update for you people. Thanks to Inuyasha4ever1 for the idea!**

**Disclaimer: …Must I say it? IT'S NOT MINE! Oi people, get it through your heads!**

Once again, we find that Kagome – in her idiocy – has left Inuyasha with her backpack.

Are we really surprised?

So anyway, he decided to be a snoop again and look through the bag, just in case he found something like that bra again. A perverted grin spread over the mutt's face. All the pockets had previously been searched in the earlier chapters except for one. Inu had seen Kagome open this one and pull…stuff out to put on her face for some odd reason.

"Inuyasha," Kagome had explained to him once before, "I put this stuff on so that other men will find me attractive."

He had then replied with a, "But no matter what, you'll never be attractive to _other men_." He meant it in a way that said, "Listen. You're mine. I claimed you 'cause I'm in love with you and if other men look at you _that way_, then I'll punch their lights out." She had, of course, taken it the wrong way and sat him.

Inuyasha was fascinated. There were so many colors! He pulled a tube of bright red candy and stuck it in his mouth. Inuyasha spat it out and then remembered that Kagome only put it on her lips – he found it only tasted good on her lips and not her tongue – and not in her mouth. So he tried that instead. Then for the rest of the weird stuff. He poked a black brush in his eye, and managed to draw with a black pencil all over his nose, the blush somehow got on his forehead, the foundation all over his pants and the cover-up on his ears.

When Kagome finally crawled out of her "well hole" – Inu thought it was a good joke. Well hole, hell hole…get it? – and came face to face with Inuyasha, she stood there in silence. Then slowly, she lifted up her finger to point at his face. Then…

Kagome laughed at Inuyasha.

Right in his face!

He blushed furiously and ran away as fast as he could. When he finally stopped running he told his story to a squirrel.

"It's not fair! You have no idea how embarrassing it is for the one you love to see you in a time of pain!" (1)

The squirrel sat up, cocked its head, and exploded. Okay well, not exploded. But it was Shippo, who then stood up and screeched, "You like Kagome! Inu loves Kagome! Inu loves Kagome! Inu loves Kagome! Inu loves Kago-"

_Thunk_. Inu had punched the top of his head.

**First person to correctly review with where I got this line gets an entire chapter dedicated to them.**

**So yay! I updated! Poor Shippo though…meanie Inu, punching him like that. But I mean really, what did you expect? It IS Inuyasha after all.**

**Hey, you know what you good people should do? How about you clicky the now-green-and-misplaced review button and tell me what you thought! And also feel free to give suggestions, they're always welcome!**


	7. Glue

**So, yes, this IS real and I AM updating.**

**What a shocker.**

**Anyhoo…I know you're all mad at me, but I promise I'll make it up to you! I'm updating everything like crazy right now, so please bear with!**

**Okay, well, this chapter is dedicated to ****Tokkalover**** and inspired by ****Fallen-Angel-Baby****. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: THIS IS A DISCLAIMER. ENJOY.**

We do not know why, but Kagome left Inuyasha with her bag. Maybe it's because she knows it will advance the plot.

Okay, that's a lie. She never even left it with him. She left her bag with Miroku, but then Sango decided to take a bath and now Inu's watching it. Shippo is taking a nap. That's another key thing, so bear with me.

Anyways, yes, he has the bag again. And because he is a silly little mutt and can't learn a lesson to save his ever-loving-and-extremely-long-life, he was going through said bag.

Aren't we all surprised?

While digging through the bag, he found a white bottle with a cow on it. Its contents were white as well and Inuyasha carefully held it up to his face and inspected it. He couldn't read what the bottle said but since there was a cow on the front and white liquid inside, it must be milk. What else could it be? He continued rummaging through the bag until he became thirsty, and his mind drifted back to the milk. So, he dug through some more – because remember, she has a really big backpack – until he found it. Screwing open the little orange lid, Inuyasha tipped his head back and let some drizzle into his mouth.

Turns out it wasn't milk.

The taste was _horrible_! He spat it out onto his hand, and then quickly proceeded to wipe it on a sleeping Shippo. Inu carefully squirted some of the stuff onto his finger and sniffed it, but he slipped and his finger went right up his nose. Now slightly red, Inuyasha began to remove his finger from his nose and realized something terrible. His finger was stuck.

Stuck inside his nose.

Well as we all know, it isn't very pleasant to have one's finger stuck inside one's nose, so he squirmed around and ended up shooting the bottle's contents all over the place. It startled him and, surprised, Inuyasha fell on top of Shippo. And so the struggle continued…

Miroku returned a couple minutes later with Sango and a red handprint on his face, along with a very upset Kagome because Miroku didn't watch her bag. So actually, there were two handprints on his face. One on top of the other. When Inuyasha came into view, this is what they all saw:

Inuyasha has his finger up his nose.

Shippo's pants are glued to Inuyasha's back, and the rest of him is glued to the back of Inu's knee.

There are leaves with white spots covering the two almost entirely.

Kagome's backpack and all its contents are scattered all over the ground.

While Miroku and Sango were holding each other on the ground laughing, Kagome was busy turning bright red with fury. She couldn't "sit" Inu because of Shippo, so instead she just turned on her heel and stormed away shrieking, "That's it! I can't take it anymore! You all FAIL."

**And there you have it. Sorry if it's lame, or if I spelled things wrong, but I'm sick, have homework and there's a dog eating the sock on my foot.**

**But I hope you all enjoyed it. I know I enjoyed picturing Inu with his finger up his nose…Huhuhu XD**

** REVIEW IF YOU LURVE ME!**


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